Better beer-drinking through science… Did you know that 70 percent of all legal drinking age men put their beer in the freezer??? Right. The trick, says Coors, is to know when to remove it at just the right time…Here’s the press release they sent along…
COORS LIGHT® CONTINUES TO SET THE COLD STANDARD,
INTRODUCING NEW TWO-STAGE COLD ACTIVATION
Light Beer Known for Continued Innovation Embarks on its Coldest Summer Yet
CHICAGO (May 2, 2011) – The World’s Most Refreshing Beer continues toout-cold itself, as Coors Light packaging now features a new design that tells you when your beer reaches the “peak of refreshment.” As part of its upcoming Super Cold Summer, the brand is debuting the latest in cold-activated technology: New Coors Light Two-Stage Activation bottles and cans, which make it easy to see when your Coors Light goes from cold … toSuper Cold.
Studies indicate more than 70 percent of legal-drinking-age men have put their beer in the freezer to achieve the desired level of cold. The trick is to know when to take the beer out. Now on Coors Light bottles and cans, the iconic mountains still turn blue when the beer is cold, and in addition, a new Cold Indicator bar will turn blue at the same time. Then, when the Coors Light temperature is at the peak of refreshment, a second Super Cold Indicator bar turns blue.
Jesus, can I just drink a beer? I have a two-stage beer dinking technique too. I open the beer and I fucking drink it! It’s been working pretty well for me too. Why do beer companies feel the need to come up with new ideas like this? It’s beer. It gets you drunk. We’re not going anywhere. No need to make up new two-stage cold activation systems to lure me in. No need to bring in NASA to brew your beer. Shit like this isn’t increasing sales. And nobody is drinking Coors anyways. If I want water I’ll grab a Poland Springs. Coors is like the white trash beer of America and they drink that shit warm, because they are retarded. Coors’ demographic wouldn’t be able to figure out this 2 stage process anyways so this is a total waste of time. You want to make different brews and variations of beers, that’s great, I love micro brews. I don’t, however, need any help figuring out how to get my beer cold. And they can really go fist themselves with this “70% of men have put their beer in the freezer.” Yeah how about 100% of humans have put their beer in the freezer. When you only have a warm 30 pack you throw it in the freezer so you don’t have to wait as long to start punishing beers. It’s not really something that needs to be explained on the side of the can. Here’s my advice to any beer company trying to increase sales. Make a good beer, put it in a can/bottle, and put the word “BEER” somewhere on the packaging and maybe “gets girls to make bad decisions” somewhere too. BOOM! Instant sales.
PS. I google “beer in freezer,” and what comes up? a yahoo question, “can I put beers in the freezer?” fucking dummies. Must be the same people responsible for the picture.
PPS. Miller Lite can suck it too. shit is gross.