One of the good things about being fat is that there is always the ability for me to lose the weight and be an absolute Adonis again. Is it going to happen? Probably not but it can happen. And that is all I need. It is a sort of fucked up confidence that not everybody has. But Bobo does.
(I mean I can laugh at myself and I can take a joke because I’m not a low self-esteemed douchebag. As a matter of fact I visited my great-grandmother yesterday and the last words she said to me before I left was that I needed “to go on a diet.” Since she’ll probably outlive me I’m not worried but in the chance that I don’t see her again that was honestly her last words to me. Go on a diet. And I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is that she took the only 3 wedding pics out of the 697 that I didn’t look fat.)
Anyways, back to my original point. I get a good laugh at when dude’s lose their hair especially when it is a guy who thought he was the shit back in the day. Like I said I can lose weight but you’ll never get your hair back. Oh, sure, you can do the Rogaine or Bosley move but that never works. It usually comes back in a different color and texture and you like an asshole. The wig has been out of the equation for years and unless someone is half-retarded they will be able to notice it. You can wear a hat every single place you go but then people start to question if your special. Also, girls hate the constant hat move. I used to wear my hat every single minute of my life (and I have nice mane of hair) and every woman in my life hated it. There is nothing you can do. So while you laugh at me with my beer gut just know all it takes is one alcohol rehab stint for Bobo and he is looking straight Brad Pitt in your face.
Fat people > bald people. That is straight fact. People love the fat guy. He drinks more. He knows where the best restaurants are. He is usually the funny or jolly guy. He can be a great left tackle in a game of flag football. He can help you move shit. But the bald guy? Eh. Nobody wants to be with the bald guy. They think you are hanging with your English teacher or assistant tennis coach. Girls never approach the bald guys. Don’t believe me just look at the pictures above. Who would you rather spend your last night on earth with?