Everyone is different and I get that. But to me there is nothing better than taking a nice long shower and feeling absolutely ”fresh” afterwards. I’m talking cleaned up Bobo with a pair of new sweatpants and crispy clean AF1′s, maybe even throw on a new Sox 7 5/8th fitted. When I’ve showered and thrown on this get up I feel on point… my jokes are funnier, I get more LOADED, more broads are on my dick and my bets are all hitting. But before I can get to this point there is a crucial middle part so if you want to feel like a million fucking bucks follow along….
Step 1: Now there are many schools of thought to the shaving game… over the years I’ve developed my own strategy. First, put the sink water on the hottest level and let it blast. Then put the shower to the hottest possible level for a few minutes. Let that shit get steamy, boys. Once you got a nice cloud of steam take the shower water down a bit so you can get in. Now shave. Do it first thing while the steam got your pours all open and shit – your skin is going to feel much better and unless you got Michael J. Fox’s disease you won’t have any cuts on your face. Once you get out of the shower you throw this aftershave on right here:
This is the Cadillac of aftershave, people. Dudes have been using this since the 1800′s and shit. This is what the Monopoly man used after a hot shave. In Massachusetts you can still find the Clubman products at Walgreens or you can just go to one of the hair supply stores. Or, if you are broke, just take it off your barber’s counter. Can’t move on to you get hip to the Clubman.
Step 2: Dry yourself down and take out the one and only Johnson and Johnson baby powder (get that Gold Bond shit outta here – if is good for a baby’s dank ass it is good for me)
You want to take baby powder and pour just a small splash into your hands and then lightly clap so there isn’t powder all of the fucking place. This shit is going right under your balls and inner thighs. Again, I have to stress don’t use a lot. Having your dick taste like sweaty powder isn’t a good look with the ladies.
Step 3: The coconut factor. The blacks were up on the coconut game way before us white boys. They’ve been on this shit for years, people so make sure to thank a black guy if you see one. How much coconut lotion you put on yourself is totally up to you. I personally like to put a little on the forearms, legs and stomach (I have to use multiple bottles) - again, it varies for person and also depends how much cologne you wear. You won’t find your perfect apply rate of coconut lotion the first time around, it will take time.
Step 4: Irish Spring, motherfuckers. The Irish have been drinking in bars all day everyday since they invented beer so who better to get deodorant from then guys who are sweating booze out of their pores all day, eh? They got the antiperspirants game down to a science plus nothing beats that smell. If you wear Axe you got a lot of growing up to do. Real men wear Irish Spring even if they are Italian.
You need to make this step 4 because you need your body to breath a bit before putting on deodorant. Otherwise your shirts are going to be showing pit stains as soon as you leave the house. I even suggest putting the Irish Spring on after you’ve dressed yourself up. Make it the last step before leaving the house.
And now do whatever you do and stay fly….