I’m one of the 8 people in Southie that has a backyard (one of the small perks that I get for being one of the most prominent bloggers to ever live in the area).  A few weeks ago I was going to throw out the trash when someone said “hello” to me. I had no fucking clue where it was coming from. I saw some type of hat sticking out of a chair in the back part of the  yard and had thought McCabe fell asleep outside after the party from the night before. I walked a bit closer and there was a 50-year-old woman with some upper lip hair and a postal office get-up on.

It was a very weird moment. I would have been more prepared if there was a junkie twitching from a bad hit of H in my backyard than the lady who sold me a pack of Chuck Berry stamps last week. Before I even had a chance to ask what she was doing in my yard she says, “I take my break and have my tea, here.” I just kind of nodded an OK. She then goes, “the other people know.” I had no clue who the fucking other people were but I guess she was assuming to the previous tenants or maybe owners. I was hung over and didn’t have much to say so I just went back in the house and watched re-runs of Regular Show.

I didn’t think much of it but then other day when getting out of the shower and walking my wet and ripped body into my office to throw on a B & B Pest Control shirt (by the way if you have ants call B & B Pest Control) I saw the woman’s chair positioned outside facing my office. She was apparently trying to face the sun but was pretty much peeping right at me. A bit awkward since I’m guessing most of you haven’t had your postman chilling in a lawn chair in your backyard staring into your home.

So, anyways, I asked my landlord the other day if he knew this woman. He had absolutely no clue what I was talking about but through some detective work figured she must have known the older people he bought the home from 5 years ago. I told him I was pondering getting a lock for the gate and he said the ball was totally in my court. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Bobo, why don’t you just put a lock on the gate and tell her to beat it.” Well, here is the thing…….

She works directly across the street from me. I am going to be seeing her all the time. She knows my address and works at the post office. So? Well, the next you thing you know my rent check doesn’t make it to my landlord anymore and Comcast is wondering why I haven’t paid in 3 months. Maybe one of my relatives wants to send me $5 for my 30th birthday but I never get it… next you thing you know I don’t get any mail at all and I’m blacklisted from the post office and she puts me on one of those pedophile posters. This could fuck up a lot of shit, people.

What I’m saying is I don’t know if it is worth it. What is the play here? Do I lock that fucker up and say, “no more deliveries through this gate, bitch” or do I just let her lay out her mustache face all over my freshly cut lawn? Not as easy as you think. Could be playing with fire here.